Letting go of Friendships

Do you have a hard time letting go? I know I do.

When Ben and I were first married, I was struggling with the loss of old friendships. My social life in college was lacking, if there at all.  My best friends from high school were either distanced physically or socially, as we were all trying to find where we fit and where we were going in life.

As I was confiding in Ben with these lonely feelings, he shared some insight that I wish I had understood better at the time.

What he said was that life is like a train ride and we are a passenger along with everyone else in life. We get to know and love many of the passengers on the train, and we are sad when it is their stop to get off.  Sometimes we never see them again.  Sometimes they board the train again and we can reconnect.

I didn't want to hear it at the time, but I have found it as a comforting truth as I have gone through life.

I have learned that some friendships last forever but most come and go and maybe come again.  Thanks to social media, we are able to stay superficially connected with anyone and everyone but what I am talking about is real life interaction in deep relationships.

I have learned that sometimes friendships end because of the nature of changing lives.  Sometimes friendships end out of offense.  And, sometimes friendships weren't equally valued on both sides.

I had one such instance with someone I thought was a friend from whom I became distanced.  I decided one day to message this friend and apologize for a couple instances I had regretted that made me feel like I was to blame for our drifting apart.  This friend messaged me back, and included in her reply was, "we weren't ever very good friends, anyways."  Ouch. That one stung. It stung deep and long.  I'm still shocked when I think about that reply.  Even if I thought that about someone, I can't imagine ever saying it to them...

But, through the hurt, I learned yet another lesson that I'm still learning off and on to this day.  The lesson I want to stress to you today contains 3 parts:

1.  It is okay to let go.  Let the train move on.  Let them move onto their destination.  If you reconnect, enjoy it when it happens, but don't stress it or force it.

2. Recognize when friendships are one sided or imbalanced.  If you discover that you are holding onto a friendship in which the friend doesn't value you, let go.  Move on.  Find a friend who understands you. Who loves you. Who values you. Who sees you for the gift that you are.

3.  When you find a friendship dissolving, remember that it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you or the friend. With the exception of offenses that need amends, it simply means that life is happening to both of you and your paths are no longer connected.  It also might just mean that you aren't a good match. It is okay. It is okay to move on.

Life is hard, and it requires good friends and deep relationships to make it through.  Let's spend our energy on friends whom we value and who value us equally in return.


Here's to letting go when we need to and holding on when we can.


I love you all!

❤Amy